Lord, if it is needed, bring the fires and burn me.

Trials have been on my heart lately. Not just any trials, but refining trials. The bible tells us in many different ways how God refines us through trials, afflictions, and pruning. Isaiah 48:10 talks of how we are refined in the furnace of affliction.

"Behold, I have refined thee, but not with silver; I have chosen thee in the furnace of affliction."

John 15:2 tells us God will cut away unfruitful branches.

"Every branch in me that beareth not fruit he taketh away: and every branch that beareth fruit, he purgeth it, that it may bring forth more fruit."

The imagery of having branches cut away is purposeful, because having parts of us cut off is going to be painful, but is the only way we will grow strong, full, and produce good fruit. Galatians 5:22-23 tells us what good fruit is: 

"But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law.".

Then Galatians 5:19-21 tells us what it is not:

"Now the works of the flesh are manifest, which are these: sexual immorality, impurity, sensuality, idolatry, sorcery, enmity, strife, jealousy, fits of anger, rivalries, dissensions, divisions, envy, drunkenness, orgies, and things like these. I warn you , as I warned you before, that those who do such things will not inherit the kingdom of God.".

There are many more, like 1 Peter 1:7, Psalms 66:10-12, Isaiah 1:25, Zachariah 13:8-9, Daniel 11:35, Daniel 12:10. Many, many more even. 

Peter talked about this in great length as he suffered through many refining trials.

"Beloved, think it not strange concerning the fiery trial which is to try you, as though some strange thing happened unto you:"  -1 Peter 4:12

If my gentle guidance and soft words cannot alter the vengeful course of my three year old against his sibling's terrible deed of toy-stealing (though he has regained the toy), and if no isolation, time-out, loss of privilege, or threat of rear-end swatting can ebb the stubborn anger and tantrum of my toddler OR my 12 year old, then it is equally as likely (more-so even) that my own set-in stubbornness and flawed beliefs will require blazing fire and painful pruning much more often than gentle words and subtle guidance.

For I cannot hear his corrective whisperings through the stubborn shoutings of my own mind. 

Through many afflictions and trials I have come, by grace, to find new growth in me I had no idea that I needed. The pruning and fire needed for this new growth to happen was painful, it hurt a lot, and it still stings sometimes, but what I have learned from it is so valuable. So valuable in fact, that rather than asking God to spare me from pain and trials, I find myself saying, "Lord, if it is needed, bring the fires and burn me up, so that I may grow in you and be more acceptable in your sight.". It's a change of perspective that has given me a sense of peace, lowered my anxiety, and diminished my desire for control.  It's a change of heart that has me leaning more on God, less on my own abilities, and in this I am finding the stepping stones towards truth and happiness I never knew I wasn't finding. Thank you Lord, for the trials.