These Little Lights

Trials have been on my heart lately. Not just any trials, but  refining  trials. The bible tells us in  many  different ways how God refines us through trials, afflictions, and pruning. Isaiah 48:10 talks of how we are refined in the furnace of affliction. "Behold, I have refined thee, but not with silver; I have chosen thee in the furnace of affliction." John 15:2 tells us God will cut away unfruitful branches. "Every branch in me that beareth not fruit he taketh away: and every branch that beareth fruit, he purgeth it, that it may bring forth more fruit." The imagery of having branches cut away is purposeful, because having parts of us cut off is going to be painful, but is the only way we will grow strong, full, and produce good fruit. Galatians 5:22-23 tells us what good fruit is:  "But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law.". ...

April 16th, 2016 I see you there, playing quietly by yourself, only it's not so quiet. You make lots of repetitive sounds and your hands and fingers fly and "walk" and crash into each other in frenzies. They do this along store shelves when we shop and along walls as we walk and under desks as you learn and in the vehicle while we drive. Your version of "stimming". But then you'll turn to me and say the most intelligent and mature things. You reveal my complacency in my knowledge of the world and in my education when you randomly interrupt or interject oddly placed statements of scientific facts or ask me questions about things I don't think I ever even learned in school. You remind me of all the things still out there to learn about. You with your lack of any speech until you were three, who then went right into big words and concepts well beyond your age. My beautiful boy who would break down into a disastrous fit if we demanded you "look a...

March 12th, 2016 Death. Loss. Depression. Uncertainty. It weighs heavily, it crushes my emotional shoulders and causes my mental legs to weaken and waiver.  I'm on shaky ground. I watch a family near us grieve the loss of their beautiful 1 yr old.  My heart aches and my eyes well with tears as I look at my own 1 yr old , my precious baby.  I am just barely able to brush against the fringes of the gravity and depth of that loss.  The fringe feels unbearable.  I can not fathom.   A family friend loses their mother, no older than mine to a series of hospital and nursing home mistakes and misses.  It aches.  I've lost my mother in a dream and woke up unable to breath from the crushing feelings of despair and pain.  I can not fathom. Abuse. Neglect. Crime. My Facebook feed is filled with cases of foster children, abused children, sexually assaulted children, murdered children, forgotten children.  I tell my...

February 28th, 2016 It's 3 pm and I'm waiting outside my son's school to pick him up.  I always ask how his day was and if he had fun.  I inquire about who he played with and if anything about his day bothered him or wasn't that fun.  He always tells me, even if a bit hesitantly.  Sometimes I prod him, but it's the kind of prodding that you can tell the child wants you to do.  They  want  to tell you, but for whatever reason, are hesitant.  Today he reached into his backpack and silently stuffed a folded up note into my hands, his face showing just the slightest hint of embarrassment.  It's a note from a girl that he's friends with at school.  She tells him how much she likes him and that they are peas in a pod.  It's so sweet.  I tell him how nice that was and ask if he is nice to her and thanks her when she says kind things (this is especially important because he has Asperger's and doesn't always r...

February 20th, 2016 Ah, Sunday mornings.  Sometimes it takes a solid mental pep-talk to get out of my warm bed. My kids are miraculously still sleeping even though every other day of the week they are up an hour earlier...or more.  I give myself a "mom" talk. You know, the one about doing whats right, being responsible, people depending on me, I'll feel better after a good God-infusion, kind of thing.  I get up, pour some coffee and get going. And wouldn't you know it, it pays off, that sermon TOTALLY spoke to me!  I am so glad I got up and went to church! I feel uplifted, convicted, etc, because God  meant  that sermon to apply to me, to my life, to my family.  It's funny how often Sunday morning comes around and that lesson taught at church seems to be speaking right to me, like it's written for me. My life, my struggles.  It tells me God is in it.  It tells me that He understands each of our struggles, our lives  today . ...

February 15th, 2016 I stood in the kitchen gently stirring milk into my warm coffee listening to the melodic sounds of the canaries in the living room as they filled the house with their joyous songs.  One of my three year old twins was exercising his vocal abilities with a stunning range and pitch while the other tugged at my pant leg ever so adorably asking to watch his new favorite movie.  Meanwhile my 2 year old daughter inspected her neatly stitched forehead wound with great intensity and interest in her bandage.  My sweet baby boy was working to get my attention with his adorable little baby sounds.  Across the house my 12 year old was filling me in on the "new" and "amazing" character on his favorite construction and problem solving game.  I stood there in awe of all my wonderful children and wasn't the least bit overstimulated, or undercaffeinated.   I'm sorry, I can't. I just can't. I can't even keep a straight face and type that l...

February 13th, 2016 "He must increase, but I must decrease"   -John 3:30 I hear and see a lot through social media of "paying it forward".  I remember a time when buying the coffee of the person behind you or taking someone's grocery cart to the cart return or gifting someone you didn't know well a diaper subscription for their first baby because you heard they were struggling wasn't a glorification of self, but just things people did from time to time when able.  It's almost like we went from a self-less place to a look-at-me place (with feigned humility) over the last couple decades and it bothers me.  Don't get me wrong, the IDEA behind pay-it-forward isn't innately flawed, it's just skewed.  Let's look at it this way to get what I mean.  There are two ways I see this.  The first is a transactional type of giving.  I give you, so you give them, and they give them, and then they give me, and so on.  The  r...

February 10th, 2016 I'm not one to wait until I've been shown how to do something to try it. Can't say I really do a  bunch  of research either, I mean, how hard can it be anyway, right?? Might call that crazy, might call it "asking for it", you know, you might.  I, however, call it  MOTIVATED !  So, recently I was "motivated" to give the guest bath a bit of a face-lift. I jotted my list of what I'd like done in there and made my trip to Home Depot. * Sanding paper, for the handy (ancient) palm sander * baseboard moulding * crown moulding (have some of that in the garage rafters, I'm sure it's still juuuuuuust fine) * Paint, of course * Oooooh!  Primer, cause That nearly neon blue isn't going without a fight.  It's like an Easter egg! * paint brushes * white light switches, outlet covers Yup, sounds good.  Now, Home Depot with five kids doesn't sound like a walk in the park, even ...